Reality is in my face every day, reality has not been kind to me, reality is not kind to a lot of people. Some days i can't deal with it but most days I know what the hell is going on around me and I know I'm responsible for feeding, clothing and working to keep a roof over my head. At the moment it's a bit hit and miss but I'm the one responsible enough to say I'm changing things about to see if it makes a difference, the various anti-depressants I've been on for far too many years have worked only to varying degrees and some have been completely detrimental. My psychologist and doctor both say I'm extremely clued in when it comes to my illness and my treatment and am willing to try anything that will keep me breathing.
Isn't that reality?
Now I've decided to go without medication for a while to see what my own body actually feels like. I know it's a risk so my docs are keeping a close eye on me and should I have to go back on ADs then I will. I've had a shitty life. Not family/friendwise although several friends have fucked me over. It's the other stuff that's fucked me up. Some I talk about because people know and some I don't because I'm too ashamed or it happened as a child so what can you do? Telling me to face reality, be responsible and not cut myself is not the best way to calm me down when I'm upset. All my doctors agree, and google it if you want to, self-harm can be a coping mechanism, for me it is, it calms me down. It stops me doing the really stupid stuff so if you don't understand that, then ask me why I do it. Don't just assume I'm going to slit my wrists. If my doctors don't have a problem with it and I don't, then leave me to it.
Don't just tell me not to and to face reality cos that gets my back up. Big time. I know this person has had an awful time with depression too, and i'm sad about that but her symptoms were quite different from mine. I know she says it because she cares but telling me to face reality? That just makes me mad, and what do I do when I'm mad? I don't turn into the Hulk. I get my knife out and cut because I hate myself for being mad over something someone says who doesn't know any better. But realistically SHE should, because we've discussed it. I don't tell her what to do. I certainly have never told her to face reality when in fact sometimes she should have because her life would've been easier. But it's her life, I'm there to support, listen and give gentle advice, not to say "face reality and be responsible"
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