Did you know?

Did you know how broken I was when you first saw me? Did you know I'd be such an easy target, manipulated and fooled by your disguise? Your narcissism kept me there dangling for years as your personal ego boost and faux girlfriend. I say faux because I don't know if anything you ever said was true, I think I was just a live-in ego boost, unlike all the others. Why did you choose me to be the one you'd abuse the most? Why choose me to blame and humiliate, manipulate and hate? You made me think that I was the crazy one when you were the one just pushing the right buttons. I thought I was going insane and you were only too happy to keep feeding that lie to everyone. I have so much anger and hatred and despair now and no one to aim it at now you're dead, especially after your parting words. I turn it inwards. I cut, I medicate, I hate, I despair. I am devoid of joy. Suicide is always on my mind. I thought I'd be over it by now, over you, I thought I'd have a life by now but instead all I have is slowly dissipating like slush melting in spring. Soon there won't be a me either. Is that what you wanted?