18/8/15

I don't know where to start. This lonely, sad, excuse for an existence is pathetic. I cut myself today. First time since? I'm back on sleeping tablets. I thought taking them during Gishwhes I'd be able to keep them under control but Gishwhes is over and I'm back to my shitty hopeless life. Avoiding almost everyone and everything. There's no one friend I would burden this with. They wouldn't be pleased to hear that but I've lost friends in the past for no reason so why give them my woes and alienate them? I don't know why I'm still here. I should just do myself in. Isn't that what I'm aiming for? Aren't I doing that anyway? Slowly sure but it's happening. Poisoning my body. Going out of my mind. How much longer can I last? 

Just a shell

I look in the mirror and there's so much self hatred. A look of disgust I would reserve only for the worst of mankind so why do I look at myself like that? I can't stand it for too long so I avoid it as much as possible. After using the bathroom I wash my hands. There's a mirror above the sink but I rarely look up because I don't want to see what's looking back at me. I don't even recognise myself anymore. Where did I lose myself? Where am I? Where have I gone? I'm just a bitter husk of a person long gone.