My Immortal by Evanescence http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEfxu-JNxjU
Was on Kerrang today and I just had to keep listening over and over. Looking over the lyrics, they ring so true. They’d mean many things to different people but to me it pretty much sums up my relationship with Malc.
It’s not a revelation to me, I’ve always thought this. I’d known him since I was 18, we met at college. Started dating when I was 21 and were together for 13 years. He died just over 4 years ago now but is still with me everyday and colours many areas of my life and how I feel about myself. I don’t want him to never be watching over me but he has left deep wounds and not just from his passing.
In the start we were best friends, it grew into more, I couldn’t get enough of him and vice versa. I knew I’d end up with him long before we actually got together despite me knocking him back a few times(he took drugs, in those days I couldn’t have taken him home to meet my parents).
Our relationship was probably not a healthy one and although I’ve no doubt we loved each other, maybe it was too destructive, I began self-harming and became so mentally ill I thought I was going mad. He was almost always there for me though, as I was always there for him and he’ll always be part of me but now I have to look ahead for a new song, for a new life, for construction not destruction. I have to change this cycle. I don’t want to leave him and it wont be easy, god know the last four years haven’t been easy but it's maybe time to move on. Maybe.
Was on Kerrang today and I just had to keep listening over and over. Looking over the lyrics, they ring so true. They’d mean many things to different people but to me it pretty much sums up my relationship with Malc.
It’s not a revelation to me, I’ve always thought this. I’d known him since I was 18, we met at college. Started dating when I was 21 and were together for 13 years. He died just over 4 years ago now but is still with me everyday and colours many areas of my life and how I feel about myself. I don’t want him to never be watching over me but he has left deep wounds and not just from his passing.
In the start we were best friends, it grew into more, I couldn’t get enough of him and vice versa. I knew I’d end up with him long before we actually got together despite me knocking him back a few times(he took drugs, in those days I couldn’t have taken him home to meet my parents).
Our relationship was probably not a healthy one and although I’ve no doubt we loved each other, maybe it was too destructive, I began self-harming and became so mentally ill I thought I was going mad. He was almost always there for me though, as I was always there for him and he’ll always be part of me but now I have to look ahead for a new song, for a new life, for construction not destruction. I have to change this cycle. I don’t want to leave him and it wont be easy, god know the last four years haven’t been easy but it's maybe time to move on. Maybe.
No comments:
Post a Comment