Don't look at me

Thought.

Thoughts that were once focused on suicide were turned towards a future, one I thought obtainable, brighter, with possibilities of achievements there for the taking. They were fleeting. My thoughts turn yet again to my life being pointless with nothing to offer. 

The point is?

What's the point in talking to someone who just does not understand or want to hear about your mental health problems? 

What's the point, when you say you're self-harming and suicidal, asking for help, and they dismiss you for being stupid?

What's the point in trying to share the impact mental illness has on your life in a vain attempt to explain why you can't leave the house, why you don't bathe for weeks at a time, why you don't eat, why you can't concentrate, why you seem to disappear for months on end, why you lose so many friends, why you can't function at all? 

What's the point, when you try talking about how bad you feel and they sit quietly, then when you pause, after revealing a fraction of your tortured soul, they just get up and walk away to do something else? 

What's the point in trying to end the stigma attached to mental health so you can talk to people when all it does is alienate those who find it all very uncomfortable to hear?

What's the point in fighting every single day to stay alive so you don't hurt the people you love but they hurt you by not being there when you need them?

What's the point in going through that just to feel judged, to feel like you're stupid, to be made to feel like they don't want to hear it, they don't care? 

Really, what's the point?